I don’t even know what to put here.

I spent the day trying to think about what to post.  What silly thing I wanted to share.  What part of my life I felt comfortable putting on the internet.  Then I cried a lot.  Cried so hard that I threw up.

And came to the realization that I am fucking exhausted.  There are things going on in my world that I can’t share, things that I have no one to discuss with.  There’s pressure to be on in every single thing.  To be focusing on my body, to put everything I have into my jobs, to rope down a boy (even though I don’t really want one), to be the best daughter and sister I can be.  To wash my hair every day and look put together.  To stop drinking so much caffeine and take less naps.  All these things are like rocks in my pockets and I’m drowning.

So I’m going to take a few weeks off.  Think about what I really want to be blogging about.  Read more, because it’s the one thing that takes me out of my own head.  Clean out my closet and dance to Taylor Swift. Make lists and send letters.  Maybe there will be scattered updates here are there.  Maybe I’ll think to post something on Twitter, to update Instagram (because in the end, that’s my favorite).

{finally went to the library, finally hopped on the Gone Girl train}
{finally went to the library, finally hopped on the Gone Girl train}

So if you’re feeling bored and want someone to talk to, feel free to email me (everydaymeremaid@gmail.com).  Otherwise send every extra positive vibe that you have my way.  I’m off to fight some dragons.

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{operation:grownup} 30s stuff…even though I’m not 30.

I’ll admit, I always read those articles that are basically lists of everything you should/n’t own or wear when you hit your thirties.  And then I read the comments.  Because holy moly, do so people get pissed about fairly silly articles that tell them what they can’t do.

Like omg ladies, if you have the confidence to pull off a short skirt or tank top at any age, go for it.

But honestly,  I love the articles.  As I’m packing and shopping and daydreaming, it’s nice to have a reminder about what I might be a touch too old for.  Maybe it’s time to turn all of my tshirts from high school and college into one bombass quilt for cozying up in front of Netflix. And do I really need to be rocking a graphic tee, cutoffs and converse?  Probably not.  Because I’m trying to be a grownup.  Am I still going to keep taking and using souvenir cups (because I drop things and Scotti and Diego steal….safety first) hell yes.

How to Dress for Every Age, According to J. Crew-Whatever. I love JCrew, which is ridiculous since I can’t really afford anything from there.  I have Jenna Lyons all over my inspiration board in my room.  Creative prep seems like an A+ way to dress for big girl world.

Over 30? 9 Items You Shouldn’t Have in Your Home-Like I said before, I’m still keeping those novelty cups.  Sure, I’ll have the nice ones for company, but solo wine drinking calls for plastic cups.

Dear Fashion Editors, Stop Telling Me What I can’t Wear in my 30s-this essay definitely hits just how silly these articles are, how boring they are, and just why she’s refusing to listen.  Love it.

Also, as my 28th birthday gets closer (May 14, write it down!), I’m getting more and more nervous about this whole growing up thing.  Overall, I’m no where near where I imagined myself to be.  Yes, I love my life and all that jazz, and I’m constantly reminding myself that this is part of my story.

“thirty, flirty and thriving” and all that good stuff.

{operation:grownup} productivity pins

When I was planning looking for Pinspiration for this post, my mind was on resumes.  Because good god, do you know how much pressure there is when it comes to resumes?  Yes, I know it’s totally necessary, but whatever.  But when I was going through my “Global Takeover” board, I realized there’s two things I’m clearly more worried about tackling: organization and productivity.

Here are some of the pins I’ve been clicking through this week, and trying to put some of the tips into practice.

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Also, this Instagram by Dirty Coast had me in love with the idea of planning ahead.

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{pin/link was broken, but even these 3 ideas area great for free time}

 

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Something I’ve realized this week that I also need to be doing?  Narrowing down my passion, so that I can figure out 1) what I should be doing job wise and 2) what I’m working for anyways.

March Intentions

March is here and that means we are one step closer to the glorious summer.  My goals for this month require a touch more drive to accomplish than last month’s, but I think I can handle the pressure.

{image via pinterest}
{image via pinterest}

1.  Go paleo-ish

Saturday included a candy binge, chased by looking at swimsuits.  Holy moly, did I get hit with some self-disgust.  So I sat down with my desk calendar and Pinterest, and made a meal plan for the month, a grocery list to get me through till Tuesday’s delivery at my favorite grocery store, and then went on to hide all the non-approved foods in my house.  whatever you do, don’t open the bottom cabinet. 

2. Start setting up for a garage sale.

Linda and I are slowly starting to go through our belongings and deciding what stays and what goes.  Every spring, Eldora has a city-wide garage sale, so I figure might as well get a start on setting things up now.  As we go through a room, and make our “to go” pile, we can simply put a price on it and put it on the front porch.

3. Retry that cat-eye.

This time with a marker-like eye liner instead of a pencil.

4. Start outlining a resume. 

Because apparently those are required for applying to big girl jobs.  Please know that 2 of my 3 current jobs were just kind of given to me.

If you’re really good at formatting resumes, and putting that “I am completely amazing, even without a college degree” spin on them, let me know.

{tinder tuesday} one night, two dates

That’s right.  Last Saturday was two Tinder dates.  It was very good time wise, but oh so exhausting,  Do you know how hard it is to come up with conversation topics for two very different boys?

Date Number One:  The original plan was for us to meet at a bowling alley, get a game in and then go to dinner.  Except the bowling alley was hosting a fundraiser and lanes wouldn’t be open for two hours.  So we skipped straight to dinner.

You guys, this boy was so nervous/terrified that I wanted to buy him a pile of shots and take him to a strip club so he could realize that cleavage wouldn’t actually smother him.

Date Number Two: this one happened on a whim.  I told the boy that I’d be passing back through his town after date #1 and said if he wanted to hang out to let me know.  Of course he said yes.  How could he not?

With all the awkward staring that went down at date #1, this one was a relief.  We met at a sketchy bar, drank some beers, and he tried to teach me pool.  Pool is really hard and I don’t feel a need to ever play again.

 

Both dates ended without any action, which I was fine with.  If date #2 texted for a second date this weekend, I would totally say yes.

Would I do two dates in one night again?  Maybe.  But only if they came to Eldora or if I had a hotel room in the town so I could go back and crash.

As for my break from the Tinder app?  I am feeling so free from my phone.  And just knowing that it’s waiting for me next month, and that I won’t have to go through the 5 minute hassle of setting up a new profile, has me feeling extra good.

trying to get back on track…maybe? idk

Yesterday, I decided that I needed to kick my ass back into gear.  Giving up Netflix for Lent means I have no excuses to not workout, so my goal for this week is to get in at least an hour a day.  Sunday’s workout was a mix of YouTube workout videos.  The plan for the week is to just keep mixing it up and pray for warm weather.

 

{Diego and Scotti, taking over my workout mat}
{Diego and Scotti, taking over my workout mat}

Every time I got up to change videos, one of the dogs would take over my mat.  I have no idea why they love this thing so much.

{Black Bean Quinoa Salad via Pinterest}
{Black Bean Quinoa Salad via Pinterest}

I really am going to get into meal prep.  Swearsies.  I’ve realized that as soon as I give into a quick slice of pizza from the gas station, that my eating for the whole week goes downhill.  So just knowing that I have a giant bowl of this salad in the fridge will hopefully keep me from temptation.

 

{a new collage of fitspo}
{a new collage of fitspo}

Clearly I’m obsessing over backsides at the moment.  Looks like I’ll need to throw in some extra butt videos.  How much longer until summertime?

{workout sticker chart!}
{workout sticker chart!}

Okay, I don’t actually know where my stickers are.  But I’m thinking dating my calendar will give me a better idea of when I succeed in meeting my goals vs when I fail.

Will this be the start of me finally getting back in shape and eating all healthy?  Fingers crossed.

 

the drugs in my system means this likely makes little sense

Follow my Twitter feed {@lameremaid} and you’ll quickly catch on to the fact that I spend a lot of time in bed.
It’s where I escape from everything and everyone. Bed is my safest place.

But today I have to spend the day in bed because I spent last night throwing up. Boo. Now my safe place is a prison and I’m feeling trapped.

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In between naps and chugging coconut water, I’ve been making lists, going over lists and making decisions.

1) I haven’t stuck to my goal of eating clean and working out at all this month. It’s totally time to get back on that horse. Even though pizza is so good.
2) I made the rash decision this morning to also give up Tinder for Lent. I’ll still converse with the boys who already have my number, but if they don’t try to make plans between now and next weekend to hang out, they’re getting the boot.
3) I definitely need to use this no tinder/Netflix time to focus on me. I have no “one more episode” excuses for the next 38 days to avoid a workout. No “I’m going to leave my phone’s data on, just in case a boy texts me”.

Now, I know I’ve said all this stuff before. But this time I need people to hold me accountable. Now I just have to find people. This is when having no close friends is a massive problem.

Anyways, I’m off for another round of sleep, followed by some bedroom cleaning.