January 2017 Goals

y’all, the new year is here and everything seems so new and clean.  Which I know sounds completely ridiculous since not much has changed, but whatever.  I decided this year to not make any major, life changing resolutions.  I’m 100% comfortable at this point saying that I have ZERO clue what my life will be like in 2017 (besides way less stressful than 2016), and that’s kind of exciting.  My purpose for the new year:

To be constantly working towards being my best self.

Every month, I’m going to be making a list of things to focus on for the following 30 days, with that in mind.  My main goal to be working towards all year is to talk/message more like a grownup. That means dropping the lol, omg, and haha from being a consistent part of my vocabulary.

My January goals are pretty tame.  Theodore is due February 3rd, so my main focus will be on resting and preparing.

 

january goals 2017 everydaymeremaid

  • Drink a green smoothie every morning. Kale and spinach are still not appetizing to me at all in their solid form at the moment, so green smoothies are the best way for me to get all those vitamins that the pros claim people need.  Throw in the fact that I’ve definitely turned to bad carbs the past 2 weeks to deal with some feelings, and it’s good that the green smoothies are coming back into rotation.  Simple Green Smoothies has a 7 day challenge that is super easy, and doesn’t require a pile of ingredients, so that’s how I’m kicking my mornings off.
  • Be physical for 45 minutes a day.  Of course, I left all my maternity workout videos in my storage unit in NOLA, along with my underwear, so I’ve been all about Youtube. I usually do a mix of yoga, Glow Body PT, and BodyFit by Amy. Throw in the mile walk Scotti and I try to take every day, and I hit can hit that 45 minutes even if I’m feeling super lazy.  I’ve also been doing the moves from this arm workout a few times a day.  45 seconds on, 15 seconds rest, and just one round at a time.
  • Pack my hospital bag.  Easy enough.  I need to make a Target trip to stock up on an extra toothbrush, hair ties and some granny panties.
  • Spend as much time with Scotti as possible.  Self explanatory.
  • Get a pedicure.  Because I can’t reach anymore. And, #treatyoself.

 

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goodbye, 2016

y’all, I am so glad to leave 2016 in the dust.  I can’t think of a single year I have ever wanted to end as much as I do this one.

Here are some things I’ve did and learned this year:

  • that the right hashtags get your Instagram photos way more attention.  I’m going to take you down in Instagram fame, Kylie Jenner.
  • I quit not one, but two jobs.  Yes, I’m still unemployed, but to know I’m not at a job with zero growth, and that I’m not being disrespected on a daily basis, feels good.  Yes, I know people aren’t supposed to quit jobs without a pile of savings and solid plan, but if you’re getting called a bitch every single day by your boss, then you have to go.  The plus? After lots of time reading career blogs, watching TedTalks, and reading some career focused books, I have a much better idea of what I want to be doing with my time when I get back to having a job.
  • That people you would do anything for might not be able, or willing, to do the same for you.  Some will crack under the pressure, and this could lead to things between you, them, and a whole lot of other people to be broken.  I lost someone I adored this fall, and I’m not sure my heart will ever heal. But that’s okay.  Yesterday, I was meditating, and came to the realization that just because this person broke my heart, doesn’t give me the right to break the hearts of other people.  Will I be even slower with letting people in? (assuming I can get any slower) Yes.  But the people who want in, will get in.
  • I have to force myself to be in more social settings.  Being back in Iowa has made this especially obvious.  Even being around people in a coffee shop gets my brain going in a better direction.
  • My tribe/squad/village/family has grown in ways I definitely would have never expected.  Now I need to come up with a good way to show them that I adore them.
  • That whole getting knocked up on my birthday thing.  So overwhelmed, so excited.  Theodore will be here in about a month (and I have done zero to prepare)

Tonight, I will be bingewatching who knows what with Scotti, probably doing face masks and eating way too many Sour Patch Kids.  Earlier, I made a list of all the things from 2016 that were less than stellar, and I plan on setting that list on fire around 11:59.

someone fell in love today Nikita Gill
via Pinterest

If 2016 was the greatest year of your life, congratulations! I hope that things continue being awesome for you. If 2016 seemed like the absolute worst and you’re completely shocked you survived, you only have a few more hours to power through and then you get to start sort of fresh.

Reunited with the Cold

Over the weekend, snow arrived in Central Iowa. Y’all, I hate snow so much. The only reason I’ll agree to even go near it is because Scotti loves it so much. Sadly, my mom’s new house doesn’t have a fenced in area, so Scotti is fully dependent on me to bundle up so he can go bask in the brisk weather.

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Luckily, most of the snow has disappeared, and my friends down in NOLA have let me know that it’s cold there too.  The gray weather is just an excellent reminder that this is not my place to be.  Sure, I love sweaters, knee high boots, scarves and other cozy items, but I like to wear them in 50 degrees, not 20.

we’re moving, continued

Okay, y’all.  Everything the past two weeks has been a total shit show.  Let me give you some bullet points:

  • I slept in a U-Haul for 3 nights.  If you think this sounds kind of terrifying, that’s because it is.  Shout out to the friends who Venmod (venmoed? venmo-d?) me money to crash in hotels over the weekend.
  • My ob-gyn, who already took me off dairy, has taken me off grains as well.  Baked goods give my stressed out heart a hug, but no more.
  • Unfortunately, some words were said between a person I adore and myself, which when piled with the stress of everything, kind of made me snap.  So I got in a rental car and drove to Iowa.  Probably not the best thing to do when you’re 27 weeks pregnant, but I needed to get away from everything.
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U-Haul Driving
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One Last Mirror Selfie
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U-Haul Tetris
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Scotti watching the park people

Here’s the thing, right now I feel like the biggest failure in the world.  I am completely drained and feel like the fight is totally gone, in part because I feel as if I’ve spent the last few months fighting both for everyone and against them at the same time.

In the end, the person I’m most frustrated with is myself.  Sure, there are things that I recognize I could have done better.  (no matter what, there’s always something you can do better).  I’m frustrated with myself because I allowed other people’s negativity, fear, and lack of hope get to my brain, heart and soul.  I remind myself that I can eventually shake off the negativity that others attach to me, mainly because it’s not a part of who I am.

I recognize that I’m going through a massive life transition, so I’m taking the time in Iowa as a bit of a reset.  It’s always good to break off from everything in order to process.  Although I will admit; I have no idea how to survive in 13 degrees, when I thrive in 90.

 

 

the-hardest-times-in-life
via Pinterest

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to find another blanket.

And if anyone has an idea of what I should be doing with my life, or just wants to send me $15,000, feel free.

on crowdfunding and village building

Edit: I got bored with this whole crowdfunding idea pretty quickly.  But feel free to Venmo me (MeredithHope) or PayPal me (meredith.hope@rocketmail.com).  Cause I’m still (f)unmployed, phoneless and trying to figure out wtf is my life.

 

y’all money is getting tighter and tighter as my belly gets bigger and bigger.  Last week was the first time I’ve ever had someone stare at my stomach instead of my boobs.  My boobs we kind of sad, especially since they’re looking phenomenal at the moment.

But back to the topic at hand.

I fully believe in crowdfunding, and people giving real help when it is needed.  Sure, prayers are great.  But prayers don’t keep people in their homes, or food in their bellies.  I grew up with a sick parent.  I can’t tell you the names of anyone who prayed for my family, but I can tell you the names of the man who paid off the balance of my freshman year of college, the women who brought meals to my mom and brothers, the people who made sure my car had gas so my brothers and I could visit my dad when possible.  Sure the prayers were great, and it felt awesome to know so many people were sending positive vibes to my family, but my brother’s childhood Sunday School teacher who realized the three of us could live on apples, pizza rolls, mac & cheese cereal and milk, and made sure that we had a good supply at all times when my mom was in the hospital during 8th grade? She’s the real champ.

There’s a lot of pros and cons for crowdfunding.  How do you know the money is going to what the person claims? Why should we help a middle school band go to a museum 16 hours away? I feel like there was a lady a few years back who set up a GoFundMe so she could go to Vegas and some big boxing match with her friends.  And if you’re ever bored and looking for a way to spread some kindness and break up $100, I fully recommend that you hit up GFM and spread some love around.

Right now, I’m working on 2 things.  1) figuring out a money/job plan so I can be the best baby mama/Scotti mom I can be.  2) letting more people into my life and it’s goings-on.  I am definitely a runaway when I get stressed about my life, and that tends to scare a lot of the people that I love.  So this is me doing both.

1) I set up a GoFundMe page in the haze of sleepiness.  Do I feel like I’m losing control by asking strangers for help? Yes.  But I’ve felt like my life has been spinning out of control for the past 8 weeks, so this can either speed it up until I barf, or slow it down.  I love the idea of getting to spend the next 3.5 months focusing on preparing myself mentally, emotionally and physically for this baby.  I fully intend to keep applying for jobs, and forcing myself to start hitting up networking events, but also creating a home for my little family.

Do you know how you baby proof an apartment with concrete floors? Lots of rugs.

And not only do I want that 2 months of baby time once this guy emerges, but I also know how badly I need it.  When I had Captain B., (the baby boy who was adopted 5 years ago), I spiraled into a postpartum depression that took me 18 months and my dogs to claw out off.  So with the idea that I would need to go back to work ASAP to keep making money for me and baby, that terrifies me and my spirit.

For a reason I can’t comprehend, our country still doesn’t treasure babies the way we claim, or recognize the fact that people need time to bond and to heal within their new families (however those families are created).  I think we’re working on being better at this, but we’ll see.

2) Letting people in.  While I’m working up to posting the GFM link to Facebook, it’s pretty major for me to tell people that have a general idea of me that I need help.  But I also believe that you don’t have a right to the good parts of someone’s life if you’re not willing to even acknowledge the hard parts.  So this is me, telling the world that I’m going through a really hard part and that I need help.

Here’s that link one more time, in case you missed it:

www.GoFundMe.com/SingleMomSabbatical

And here’s a picture of Scotti, baby boobs, and I looking adorable:

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Thanks for reading and praying/good vibe sending/ and any help you might be able to send.