breakdowns, self care, and broken records

y’all, this past week has been a doozy.  I feel like I’m spending 18 hours a day minimum asleep, and trying to be semi productive and not despise myself for sleeping the other 6.  The stress of everything is definitely just building and building, so much so that I had a panic attack Monday night.  If you’ve never experienced a panic attack, either physically or by being present during a loved one’s count yourself lucky.  They are ugly, they are scary, and it really is hard to believe that you’re not going to die.

(and ps,  I super feel like a broken record talking about how stressed out I’ve been lately.  But the only creature I have to talk to in real time is Scotti, so you’ll just have to deal with it.)

Every day, I’ve been trying to find something to do for at least half an hour, that distracts me from everything else.  I used to think my version of self care was going to a bar and seeing what would happen with some guy, or getting drunk at home and seeing who from Tinder might stop by, but things have changed for the better the past year.  Now I do things like watch silly reality TV (I just started the Bachelor for the first time ever, and whoa), look at vintage engagement rings on the internet,  read a book, or do something that helps me feel pretty.

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Last week, I took the time to make my favorite body scrub. By time, I mean about 5 minutes. I scrubbed that coffee in and scrubbed away the stupid. And my clay mask pulled out all sorts of negativity. That’s what Indian clay masks do, it’s a fact.

diy coffee scrub
I add a few drops of lemon essential oil to mine. Perks me right up!

 

The question is, how many body scrubs and face masks does it take to take all the stress away? Do you have to do green juices and yoga in addition to it?

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{humpday happiness}

Next week is Spring Break around these parts.  I made the final decision to stay home and work through the week, cause right now money > relaxation.  I’m still daydreaming about an extra long weekend getaway.  Just me, a bikini and a pile of books.  I discovered all of these spots on AirBnB.  I’m getting bitten by all the travel bugs.

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{houseboat in Key West}

Let’s see.  I could lay out on top of the boat; just me, my books and a pitcher of margaritas.  Go eat fish tacos.  And then be rocked to sleep by the sea.  Yes, please.

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{Jamaica Me Happy in Galveston}

My family and I did a family vacation to Galveston a few Christmases ago.  It was cold and I’ve been interested in seeing Galveston in the heat ever since.  I’m trying to convince my family that we need to just choose a location/week to have a standing get-together.  I’ll let you know as soon as they realize I’m a genius.

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{cabin on Grand Isle}

Grand Isle has this perfect mix of woods and water.  And there’s dolphins swimming around.  How can you not want to watch dolphins?

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{bungalow in West Palm Beach}

Seriously, go take a peek at this place.  And imagine the adorable Instagram pics that would be taken.  I’m thinking lime rickies, late night swims and an out of character Lilly Pulitzer dress.

snow day with Scotti and Diego

Scotti, Diego and I got the chance to spend all day together yesterday.  Snow cancelled work, so we laid in bed, ate french toast, cuddled and played!

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I’m stoked to say I even got some work done.  Including all the laundry and a 1000 calorie Fitness Blender workout.  which totally cancelled out the french toast. We wrapper up the night with nail polish, more cuddles and the Mindy Project on Hulu.

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Which it totally not Netflix.

{tinder tuesday} one night, two dates

That’s right.  Last Saturday was two Tinder dates.  It was very good time wise, but oh so exhausting,  Do you know how hard it is to come up with conversation topics for two very different boys?

Being the most productive by spending my Saturday going on not one, but two tinder date. #zackmorrisstyle

A post shared by Meredith (@midwestmere) on

Date Number One:  The original plan was for us to meet at a bowling alley, get a game in and then go to dinner.  Except the bowling alley was hosting a fundraiser and lanes wouldn’t be open for two hours.  So we skipped straight to dinner.

You guys, this boy was so nervous/terrified that I wanted to buy him a pile of shots and take him to a strip club so he could realize that cleavage wouldn’t actually smother him.

Date Number Two: this one happened on a whim.  I told the boy that I’d be passing back through his town after date #1 and said if he wanted to hang out to let me know.  Of course he said yes.  How could he not?

With all the awkward staring that went down at date #1, this one was a relief.  We met at a sketchy bar, drank some beers, and he tried to teach me pool.  Pool is really hard and I don’t feel a need to ever play again.

 

Both dates ended without any action, which I was fine with.  If date #2 texted for a second date this weekend, I would totally say yes.

Would I do two dates in one night again?  Maybe.  But only if they came to Eldora or if I had a hotel room in the town so I could go back and crash.

As for my break from the Tinder app?  I am feeling so free from my phone.  And just knowing that it’s waiting for me next month, and that I won’t have to go through the 5 minute hassle of setting up a new profile, has me feeling extra good.

the drugs in my system means this likely makes little sense

Follow my Twitter feed {@lameremaid} and you’ll quickly catch on to the fact that I spend a lot of time in bed.
It’s where I escape from everything and everyone. Bed is my safest place.

But today I have to spend the day in bed because I spent last night throwing up. Boo. Now my safe place is a prison and I’m feeling trapped.

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In between naps and chugging coconut water, I’ve been making lists, going over lists and making decisions.

1) I haven’t stuck to my goal of eating clean and working out at all this month. It’s totally time to get back on that horse. Even though pizza is so good.
2) I made the rash decision this morning to also give up Tinder for Lent. I’ll still converse with the boys who already have my number, but if they don’t try to make plans between now and next weekend to hang out, they’re getting the boot.
3) I definitely need to use this no tinder/Netflix time to focus on me. I have no “one more episode” excuses for the next 38 days to avoid a workout. No “I’m going to leave my phone’s data on, just in case a boy texts me”.

Now, I know I’ve said all this stuff before. But this time I need people to hold me accountable. Now I just have to find people. This is when having no close friends is a massive problem.

Anyways, I’m off for another round of sleep, followed by some bedroom cleaning.

Lent and Netflix

I’ll be one of the first people to admit that I’m not religious in the slightest.  But there’s something about Lent that makes me want to participate.  Maybe it’s knowing that everyone else is suffering too?

{image via Buzzfeed}
{image via Pinterest}

I was torn between giving up Tinder and boys for the 40 days and Netflix.  Because goodness gracious, these are the things that take up my free time.

I decided to go with Netflix though.  I’m not giving up Hulu, girl needs to keep up with her streaming, but DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH TIME I’M GOING TO HAVE FOR ACTIVITIES? Watch out world, as I turn into the most productive human ever.

{Tshirt, Top Tank, Bottom Tank}
{Tshirt, Top Tank, Bottom Tank}

Oh, and next week I swear I’ll be getting back to Tinder Tuesdays.  This past weekend was family christmas, so I didn’t have any boy time.

{Operation:Grownup} where to?

{New Orleans, Nashville, Savannah}
{New Orleans, Nashville, Savannah}

I’ve been bouncing back and forth between what I need to focus on more in terms of planning on the move.  The battle is between where would I like to go vs what would I like to do.

And I’ve decided to focus more on where I want to be.  Because in all honesty, I have no clue what I want to do job wise.  I am totally willing to take suggestions though.

Nashville, New Orleans and Savannah are the three cities I find myself thinking about the most.  There’s just something I love about the South.  Something that draws me there; be it through trip planning, books, or Netflix choices.

Here’s some of my current criteria in deciding where to go.

1. Boys.

Yes, I’m supposed to be all independent and whatnot because Beyonce and Taylor Swift told me to be.  But I know that what I want is a human to love, and that that human isn’t going to be a baby.  So boys are definitely on the list.

2. Dogs.

Scotti and Diego have to be able to have a life comparable to the one we have in Eldora.  That means the city has to be one with lots of parks and places to walk.  And squirrels to bark attack.

3. Things to do.

Museums, exercise classes, farmers markets, spots for picnics. For me, that boy, and potential guests.  Also, I’ll need to start learning how people make friends.

4. Accessibility

I LIKE BEING ABLE TO WALK TO AN ACTUAL GROCERY STORE.  This is strangely important to me and I might check Walk Scores when I dive into the pit that is Craiglist:For Rent.

I may have taken this Southern Living “What’s Your Southern City” quiz.  My result? Austin.