Okay, y’all. Everything the past two weeks has been a total shit show. Let me give you some bullet points:
- I slept in a U-Haul for 3 nights. If you think this sounds kind of terrifying, that’s because it is. Shout out to the friends who Venmod (venmoed? venmo-d?) me money to crash in hotels over the weekend.
- My ob-gyn, who already took me off dairy, has taken me off grains as well. Baked goods give my stressed out heart a hug, but no more.
- Unfortunately, some words were said between a person I adore and myself, which when piled with the stress of everything, kind of made me snap. So I got in a rental car and drove to Iowa. Probably not the best thing to do when you’re 27 weeks pregnant, but I needed to get away from everything.
Here’s the thing, right now I feel like the biggest failure in the world. I am completely drained and feel like the fight is totally gone, in part because I feel as if I’ve spent the last few months fighting both for everyone and against them at the same time.
In the end, the person I’m most frustrated with is myself. Sure, there are things that I recognize I could have done better. (no matter what, there’s always something you can do better). I’m frustrated with myself because I allowed other people’s negativity, fear, and lack of hope get to my brain, heart and soul. I remind myself that I can eventually shake off the negativity that others attach to me, mainly because it’s not a part of who I am.
I recognize that I’m going through a massive life transition, so I’m taking the time in Iowa as a bit of a reset. It’s always good to break off from everything in order to process. Although I will admit; I have no idea how to survive in 13 degrees, when I thrive in 90.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to find another blanket.
And if anyone has an idea of what I should be doing with my life, or just wants to send me $15,000, feel free.