I’ve spent the past two days trying to think of anything worth typing up. Sure on Twitter there’s been some quick tales, but lately my mind (and world) have both been spinning in a way that makes it hard for things to seem composed.
There is so much going on in the world, and for me it feels like you have to sift through 20 stories to find one that’s filled with good and happiness. And then I start thinking about my own stress and feel so incredibly guilty. Like in the grand scheme of things, my life is pretty easy. I don’t have to worry about my family’s home being bombed while we’re sleeping. I don’t see that a young man has been shot and immediately fear it’s one of my brothers. Aside from a cancer scare a couple years ago, I’m shockingly healthy, which seems to bother the occasional doctor when they see my chubby belly. I know I’m pretty and if I wanted to put any effort into things, I could be super pretty. I’m as social as I want to be (which really isn’t a lot), and clearly I have no problem getting laid. My family is as supportive as I’ve ever expected them to be, and my dog more than likely believes that I am god.
But here I am, stressed. Stressed because I am clearly not anywhere near to my childhood goals that I had plotted out for age almost 30 when I was about 8. Stressed because holy fuck, I am 6 months pregnant and holy fuck, I just keep saying holy fuck and that’s probably not good because the baby app says he can hear me. Stressed because yeah, being a mom was honestly one of my ultimate goals, but it’s not something I imagined doing alone. Stressed because right now I have no idea what I want to do with my life, where I want or need to be, don’t have a job and am super duper broke (for real baby Jesus, venmo/paypal me 10grand so I can breathe money wise). I’m stressed because my hair is fading to this weird color and I’m not really sure what I should do with it.
But this will all be okay. Maybe not for Syria, but for me. But hey, once I get the me stuff figured out, I can focus more on international policy and all the fun that comes with that.