Okay you guys, in all honesty, last week of the Advocare 24 Day Challenge and life in general, was super rough. I got into my own head and all but destroyed myself. Seriously, all I need is one small sentence from another person to make me start to convince myself that I’m worth absolutely nothing.
And so I gave in to a pumpkin cake donut and got sick 45 minutes later. Which totally makes me think donuts aren’t worth it. But also that other people aren’t worth it either.
I keep telling myself over and over that I’m going to stop thinking about other people ad focus on the things that make me happy. The things that I want with my life. And having my mom gone this past week has made me realize just how much I need to make that stick.
Because it’s not fair to myself to turn to food whenever other people disappoint me. Because people aren’t going to stop being human. So now I’m taking the power away from everyone.
From my mom. And my brothers. From the people who like to talk about me behind my back. From the boys that I wish I could find a reason to like. From everybody. And I’m giving it back to myself.
I’m going to power through the last week of this Challenge with a vengeance and I’m going to make an order so I can do it again in the New Year. I’m going to wake up early and work out so that I can take a nap when I get home from work. I’m going to throw out all the clutter that I’ve accumulated so that when it’s time for me to move I can. I’m going to start typing up what my thoughts and feelings are and not care about how it affects others. Cause god damnit, if I keep caring so much about all those people, I’m going to be crushed from all of the pressure.
The rest of 2014 is going to be about getting my head and heart in the right spot, so that in 2015 I can totally start to conquer.
And maybe the best medicine to help me power through all of it is a good, head clearing, music blasting, sweaty workout.