I’ve been back on Tinder for a few weeks now. It’s fun to be able to decide on a boy from the comfort of your own bed. Yes, I’m totally looking cute in that profile picture, but I’m really rocking cutoff sweatpants and 3-day old hair.
There’s a lot of things I’ve noticed though. Some of the things make me wonder if I’m keeping my standards to high, but then I’m just like ‘nah’. Fellas, here’s a few tips:
- if all of your pictures are starring your children and/or a significant other, just pause. Pretty much everyone knows Tinder is for finding a FWB or booty call way before finding the love of your life. Bringing kids into makes it seem like I’m stealing their dad away. Bringing a wife or girlfriend into it makes you seem like an asshole.
- why do you have pictures of you grabbing your penis. That means you posted at least one photo of this activity on Facebook. Where your grandma probably is. WHY DO YOU WANT YOUR GRANDMA TO THINK ABOUT YOU TOUCHING YOUR PENIS?
- flipping off the camera was stupid in high school. it’s even lamer now that your 25+.
- why are there so many photos of boys propping up the heads of the animals they just shot? I know I live in the Midbest and that responsible hunting contains animal populations, as well as keeps the roads a touch safer. But blood is still gross and I still haven’t recovered from Bambi.
- don’t immediately request boob pictures or if I’m dtf. Even in college I’d make a boy buy me a drink and slice of pizza before I’d consider making out with him.
- ps you wouldn’t get boob pictures until we’re like 4 months into anything anyways.
- start a conversation! I know feminism and all that says that girls can get the words started, but you will get extra points if you can cleverly start a conversation and hold my attention. There’s a reason Tinder added Moments. It’s to help you break the ice.
- ask the girl out already. like duh. you know you want to. and she totally wants you to. so do it. right now. cause you’re never going to make out if you never meet in person.
I’ve done Tinder about 6 times from last summer and I’ve always had dinner with at least one boy per round. Currently my main focus is on one particular male. I chatted with some others on and off, but they’re all in the fields and apparently keeping the farm running is way more important than a girl. I totally get it.
Pretty sure dead dad is falling over in glee right now at the fact his daughter who always hated church (
except for the potlucks) is currently chatting up and is slightly attracted to a preacher man.