i take my thighs golden

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With a tan.

One of the problems with living in a small town is the lack of tanning salons.  In college, I had an intense tanning bed addiction.  I was literally at the salon every day, and scheduled my classes in a way that guaranteed I’d be able to go at my preferred time (11am!).  I loved being absolutely alone for 20 minutes.  The fake sunshine boosted my mood.  The brown skin boosted my confidence.

I’ve been feeling the opposite of body confident lately.  I’ve never been a girl that looked at images or Barbie dolls and felt bad about themselves.  I need verbal affirmations that I’m looking…pretty/attractive/hot/worthy/whatever.  And no matter how many times my mom says it, it just doesn’t cut it.  Because mom’s are supposed to tell you that you’re pretty.

So now I’m stuck between the need to deal with whatever is in my head and doing everything I need to make myself look fabulous.  Which I priced thru Sephora, my favorite salon and spa, Blueprint and the gym.  To go balls to the wall, I’d need about $2000, not including clothes, plus a way to get paid while not working.  OMG, this is exhausting.

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