a month full of memories

August is a big month for lots of people. August brings the end of summer and the freedom that comes with it, August is the beginning of school and when we start to think about what we’d like to do for the holidays that are only a few months away. For me, August is a month filled with so many memories.

Growing up at a church camp, August meant that my family and I would no longer be surrounded by people every single day. It meant no more doing dishes, no more cleaning bathrooms, and may brothers and I would finally get to spend more time with our parents where their thoughts weren’t on other peoples children.
August is the month of my both my brothers birthdays, as well as my dad’s. They are all within a week, so that always meant a week of constant fun growing up.
It also brings the anniversary of my dad’s death. Although I don’t see him as the hero I once did, I am forever happy with the person he and his decisions helped mold me to be.
August will forever mean football two-a-days at Tulane. Even though every single boy who’s laundry I washed has graduated, I still can’t help but adore that squad.
It brings the days that I dropped out of college for good. Quitting football managing the year before due to all of the stress that the Meredith haters brought meant that I could no longer afford to go to school. Maybe I’ll go back to school one day to get a degree, but first I have to give Tulane University a large chunk of money to even get access to my transcript.
And it’s the month that I lost my virginity. A drunk decision that led to a a whole lot of adventures and a love that was way different then one would actually get in the bedroom of a boy from a bar.

Every year in August, I get overwhelmed with that stress that comes with the “what if” thoughts. This year the stress was intensified by other factors, which means that there was a whole lot of crying. Usually I handle stress with long walks and furiously making lists while watching movies from my childhood, but this year was too busy to allow for those things. So I was forced to address the “what if” thoughts. I had to let myself cry, even if it meant crying in front of other people. And I decided that it was time to truly book a trip to the place where so many of the memories happened. In part to see if the magic that I felt when I was in New Orleans is still there, in part to murder some former devils.

Sure, there’s a lot of people who looking at my life see a giant mess. There are days where I 100% agree. But now I’m trying to find the beauty that the chaos brings. The question is, does that mean I have to invite more chaos in?

{please note that I write from the heart and that there might be a few grammatical errors. those are just part of the true energy.}

{humpday happiness} shake it off

Seriously, I am obsessed with the new Taylor Swift song. I love that she fully embraced all of the awkward, white girl dance moves. This song was on repeat during last night’s dog walk and I definitely shook it. A whole bunch of times.

Other things that are making me happy right now:

Fostering this pretty lady and her four kittens in our spare bedroom. Allergies be damned.

This article on the 10 Organization Habits to Establish by 30. Everything in my world is a stressed out mess right now, and it appears it will be that way for a while. Might as well work on making sure my nest is in order.

Stylecasters 50 Ways to be Sexier Right Now list.

I was clicking around on the Coveteur and found Barbie’s Closet. I’m pretty sure the five year old in me peed her pants with glee.

{ootd} first day of school

The photo above is what I had in mind when I was hunting for outfit inspiration for the first day of school.  With a pair of Keds and arm of friendship bracelets, what better way to tell kids that yes, I’m a grownup; but I’ll be learning a lot this year too?

But then life happened.  Forgotten bills popped up again and had to be paid.  I worked all day every day at one place or another, and any time I could have gone to Des Moines to go to the mall, mom needed the car for her own life.

Instead I wore the outfit above.  I was comfortable, fully capable and still age appropriate plus on the same dress code level as all of the other school staff.  And since everything I bought was on sale or with the help of a discount code, I only spent $35 dollars.  If being a part-time grownup means not getting to buy new outfits for everything, then I am going to call out every single magazine I ever read growing up on all of their bullshit.

Also, go find that t-shirt dress at Target.  It’s the most comfortable thing I’ve worn in forever.  They’re on clearance now and I bought two more.  This is one of those t-shirts/dresses that you really can take into any season.

 

{humpday happiness} honestly

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I’m currently being jolted between the worlds of being a complete grownup who’s exhausted all the time and a happy human who is making the complete best of what they’ve got.
Over the next two and a half weeks I’ll be phasing out of both summer and working full-time into the fall and working part-rime. Please bear with me as I get through it all. It’ll be quite interesting, but I’m super excited for what the rest of the year holds.
And I solemnly swear that I will not be growing up into a real grownup anytime soon.

it always comes back to Beyonce

Check out Pinterest and you will see that there are a gazillion different things that repeat ” You have just as many hours in the day as Beyonce.” While this is totally true, and what I occasionally tell myself when I’m feeling down about all that I didn’t accomplish that day, I’m trying to remind myself of something different. That I do have just as many hours, but I don’t have as much help or money to make things easier.
I love Beyonce. I love that she’s helping pave the way for females to just get out there and do it. Run their homes, the empires and their sex lives. But right now I just can’t do it all.
Soon I’ll be readjusting to life working part-time and I’m really excited to once again be able to get all of the things done in a day that I want. But as I wrap up this summer season, and all that comes with it, I’m learning what I can and cannot fit into a day when all the hours are busy. I’m figuring out exactly what I want to be doing with my time, because right now all I’m doing is working and it sucks.
This summer I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m truly never going to be able to do all and have all and I’m trying to deal with this realization.
Growing up is exhausting.