I Think My Mom Ruined Tinder

tinder take 2

If you follow me on Instagram and Twitter, you already saw this.  Seriously, I got cockblocked by Linda on Friday, although the vodka maybe helped but whatever.  And now this?  Cute boy who my mom has said absolutely wonderful things about just is not attractive.  At all.

Is something totally wrong with me?

I know my mom totally loves me and blahblahblah.  But you don’t want to get tied up by a boy your mom likes.

Cause that’s just weird.

 

last week I….

So, as we know, last week was a doozy.  I was totally that crazy girl on facebook.  Whatever, we’re all supposed to have a moment like that at least once, right?  Jordan and I met for drinks and fried things Sunday night and talked things over.  Things were discussed, it was all super awkward but it’s totally taken care of.  Like we discussed being friends, but we’ll see.  I told him he totally had to play wingman for me in a year after all this surrogacy baby stuff though and he totally agreed.

but onto other things.

  • the wagon is officially dead.  like this is a total problem.  would it be bad to start a crowdfunding for a car?  I mean seriously, I’m trying to focus on getting my student loans and credit cards under control.  maybe I should be sugardaddy hunting.
  • when I was little I was totally obsessed with Posh Spice, and I’m actively considering taking on this habit of hers.
  • I’m really trying to get back in the habit of working out.  So far I’ve been doing daily two mile walks with Scotti and Diego and doing some extra youtube videos here and there.  on Friday I renewed my gym membership, so now I have to start going.  One month costs $25, so that means I have to go 15 times.  word on the street is some mega hotties from two towns over have been biking in in the afternoons.  fingers crossed that it’s for real.

A mini update

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I was clearly a touch of crazy yesterday morning, right? Right.
I haven’t been able to eat and keep food down. I’ve slept a total of 2 hours. The only thing that doesn’t taste disgusting is vodka.

Thankfully, I’ve quickly moved on from heartbroken to pissed off.
I’m currently considering meeting up with Jordan (the nerd deleted me on Facebook and snapchat) tomorrow on neutral territory. Mainly because I want answers and I think I deserve them.

Now, I’ve been a lover of girl beats boy romantic comedies since forever. So I know that the next phase is being super hot (which won’t be much work, duh) and kicking ass. So it’s nice to have something to look forward to, right?

and thanks to all of the people who sent me words of encouragement yesterday. I totally needed it.

this is the exact opposite of a happy humpday.

jordan

You guys, I just got dumped over a text message.  This boy, a boy that I gave six months to, that I finally started trusting, decided that a text message was a good way to end things.  HEY GENERATION, THIS IS WHY OLDER PEOPLE HATE US.  Cause this is the bullshit we pull.

As some as you know, I’ve always had some issues when it came to trusting males (casual sex aside).  Part of it is dear to severe daddy issues.  Watch your dad go from treating your mom like crap to treating her like a queen for 19 years and you’d be a little messed up to.

Add in all the bullshit I had to deal with with Fratboybabydaddy when I was pregnant, and that I still occasionally deal with now, and things just are not easy when it comes to Meredith and males.

Then throw in that all of the other boys I’ve dealt with since I made it back home have made it clear that they were more interested in what my mouth could do then what it could say.  sigh

This boy, made me start to believe that I was worthy.  And I know that girls aren’t supposed to get their idea of worth from boys, but whatever, some of it comes from them.  For the first time in almost four years I finally had a person.  And now, with one iMessage they’re gone.

So here I am.  Sobbing before work, wondering if there’s truly anything about me that a human could love.  Wondering why I clearly meant so little to this person that they ended things in an iMessage, even though they recognized that “feel like a dick”.  GUESS WHAT YOU ARE A DICK, JORDAN.  And I wish that we had made things facebook official, so that everyone knows that you’re a dick.

And I hope the girl you have a date with on Friday, which has me wondering how long you were talking, and why they fuck you ever thought it was okay to talk to one girl when you’re already.

And you better delete all of those naked pictures I sent you.

I hope you read this and feel bad, cause there’s absolutely no way I’m going to your house on Friday to discuss things.  There’s no way in hell I’m giving you the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

But maybe I should.  So that seeing me could maybe make your date the most miserable experience of your life.   Because your night should totally be ruined when you just made a girl cry.

So now I’m confused.  And I want to drink wine and dance to Taylor Swift.

Which really isn’t different from any other day, except this time it’ll be the songs she sings about how much she doesn’t like boys.

 

the most perfect wrap dress ever

{gauze wrap dress}

{gauze wrap dress}

I was thisclose to falling out of my chair when I first saw this dress.  I love a good wrap dress.  This Jen’s Pirate Booty dress though?  It takes away all the serious yet hint of sexy that comes with other wrap dresses, and is so boho ethereal babe that I just can’t even.

This dress has me dropping white girlisms like I was born to do.

Yes, this dress would be totally perfect thrown over a bikini when you’re back packing through south america.  When you’ve slapped on some Flash Tattoos and have decided to start your night of cervezas and dancing.

Now imagine it in the fall.  Paired with leggings, tall boots and a wool panama hat.  You could go from taking the most adorable selfies at the pumpkin patch to squealing in fear at a haunted corn maze.

I still can’t even.

last week I…

I decided to make Mondays a mash-up between what I did (because honestly, I don’t do a whole lot worth noting) and some of my favorite things from around the internet.

  • I worked out every single day.  I’m feeling way better and more clear headed.

I’m currently dealing with some total wanderlust.  Last spring I got a total girl crush on Rosie, the Londoner, and all her travels are helping me bide my time in Iowa.  I really must replace my dog eaten passport soon.

  • I finally signed and mailed in my surrogacy contract.  Actively planning a final, pre-insemination shindig that is chock full of champagne.
  • That means I’m planning on living in this bikini next summer.

I adored the 26 Truths Kelly Kapoor Taught Us About Winning at Life.  Seriously, Mindy Kaling can just be my best friend/older sister type starting tomorrow.

Now feeling the urge to get back in the habit of sending weekly mail.

My horoscope for the next week has me feeling all kinds of confident.